So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
