i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
