you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
