Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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