i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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