i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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