I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
