I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
