I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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