Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
