Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
