i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
