I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
