quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
