dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize