I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
