How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
