So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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