she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
