Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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