Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
