so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
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You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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