my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
