My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
