it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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