Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
