Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
