At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
