...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
