Kiss
Puke
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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