She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize