my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just pynch a tree in the face
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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