She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
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