is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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