I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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