just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I intend to get homeless drunk
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
