I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
