literally had 100 drinks last night.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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