i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
well you can't waste a boner
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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