I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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