my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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