I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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