and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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