Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
