I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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