im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
