can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
