Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
