I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
