I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
