I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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