I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
