I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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