I'm lost and stupid without you.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I will be naked everywhere
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
