Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize