I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
