I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
