Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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