Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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