I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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